The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize