Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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