Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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