hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My cat gives me a boner
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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