Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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