Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
