what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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