Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
