I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
