I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
