I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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