so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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