96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
