I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
