I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
