Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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