This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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