Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
