You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
