The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
