Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
