You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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