Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
