oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
