She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
