Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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