i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize