We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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