Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone came in the potted fern
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
