Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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