just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
