Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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