nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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