3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
