Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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