No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
