They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
