OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize