when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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