I hate your face
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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