you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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