I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
