Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
