I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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