needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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