I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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