Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
