During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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