I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
