the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
