**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
