ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
