Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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