Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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