I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
