I could make wine with my vomit
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
