His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize