I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
