No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
