Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
