they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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