As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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