this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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