my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
