did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
